Fantasy: the Perfect That Makes Reality Seem a Big Disappointment

Notes from a therapy session. Actually, notes from two therapy sessions: his, and hers (although it could just as easily be hers, and his). Two sides of the same story; clearly not the same story at all. But you decide for yourself…

He: “I’ve been dreaming about meeting someone just like you my whole life.”

She: “Well, what about me? Here I am!”

He: “Well, actually, I was imagining someone just like you, maybe just a little bit more independent (or less). Just a little bit more down-to-earth (or adventurous). Just a little bit slimmer (or taller). Just a little bit more adoring (or less demanding). Just a little bit more exotic (or who lives closer to me). Someone just like you, but just a little bit _______.”

She: “Yeah. I know. You’d be perfect, too, if only you __________.”

Who IS this fantasy person anyway? Well, hon, there ain’t no one just like her – or him – “except”…her – or him!

Fantasize long enough and well enough, and you’ve got a perfected image that no one real’s gonna come anywhere close to satisfying. Even the models and the “high end” hookers (and over the years I’ve treated more than a few of each) – even they don’t look like their pictures, not in real life. And certainly not the picture you’ve been perfecting in your mind. The dream guy, the dream girl, the one who’s got all the top ten items on your must-have list doesn’t exist. Or if they do, they’ve unfortunately got items 11-13. The ones that aren’t looking so good after the first blush.

Fantasy can be dangerous. Reality can be, too, but at least it’s real. And if you’re going to have a relationship with another person, a real one’s apt to be just a bit more satisfying, even if it is also a bit more disappointing…

Copyright © 2009 Marlin S. Potash. All rights reserved.

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