Monthly Archives: October 2009

Sorting Out the Bad Apples:

picture-551Three parts.
Sorting out the bad apples — in love, in friendships, and in business.

What do you do when your heart says one thing but your brain says another?
Which gets veto power?
You know, the whole “checklist syndrome” – What to do, what to do?

At what point do you say to yourself “those last 18 entries on the list of qualities she really has to have are a bit much; maybe I’m asking for too much,” and what items are so fundamental to your happiness that they must stay?

The friendship has been important to both of you, has seen you through some terrific – and some tough – times. But it’s been getting harder and harder to push yourself to make that date to get together, and, when you do, it’s not as much fun as it once was. Time to end things?

Perhaps you can point to a lot of good things about your job, (like you HAVE one these days), but what if it’s been a while since you felt ok about that je ne sais quoi factor, namely “but I’m just not happy?”

Asking for too much, expecting more than you should.
Settling for too little, giving up more than you should.

How can you tell if it’s the situation, the other person, or if it’s you? Well, here’s a start.

Is anything making you happy these days, or are you dissatisfied all around?
If nothing seems to do it for you, if you’re feeling disappointed and dissatisfied by everyone and everything, chances are you should look in the direction of yourself. Are you depressed? Are you suffering from recent loss that’s colored your view of the world? Are you jealous of someone else who seems to have everything you want (and feel entitled to)? If so, you’re looking in the wrong direction if you think the bad apples are all around you. Just maybe it’s time to look inside to find the rot, and root it out (Ok, not the best analogy, but it’s early am…)

Are you dealing with a bad apple?Rotten-apple Any chance you already know the answer to this one? Maybe you know, and just don’t want to know what you know? Don’t want to act on what you know? Think about it. And let me know…

Copyright © 2009 Marlin S. Potash. All rights reserved.


How to Deal with His/Her Defensiveness

Not a blasted clue.

Oh, I can tell you how a therapist does it. But how does that translate into real life relationships? That’s a really tough one. I can’t say I have mastered it yet. And I have been tackling it for years and years. Being on the wrong side of a defensive person is so taxing, so frustrating. There’s lots written about dealing with one’s own defensiveness, but I haven’t found much at all that’s helpful about how best to cope with someone else’s defensive behavior.

That’s how difficult this one is. But I’m working on it. Why it’s so difficult to deal with.

Tune in for part I: How it Works.

Then we’ll get to Part II: What a defensive person should/could do.
and Part III: What to do when you’re on the other side of someone’s defensiveness.

And please. If you have any ideas about what works (or doesn’t), write a comment! I know I’m not the only one having trouble with this one!

Copyright © 2009 Marlin S. Potash. All rights reserved.