Bridges: Tips For Knowing How to Cross Over – and When to Let ’em Burn*
A hypothesis: What is “obvious” seldom is. “It’s obvious that she thinks________ ” usually means “I assume – and am now convinced – that she thinks_______.” More often than not, my conviction of the obvious truth is not true at all. In fact, the stronger my conviction that something you feel or think “obviously” means whatever I am certain it means, the more it’s likely to tell you about me, rather than you. What do you think? Does this ring true to you?
Here’s the thing: Inertia isn’t going to get you anywhere you want to go.
The assumption: Everyone thinks the way you do. Or, if they don’t, they should. Nope. They don’t.
Nodding your head in agreement as you look someone in the eye, all the while waiting your turn to speak, is not the same thing as listening. No matter how politely you smile, how patiently you point yourself in his direction.
It’s funny how people rewrite history, isn’t it? And it’s generally to suit not only what they wish had happened, but who they wish they had been.
Few things in life take more courage than facing the truth about oneself.
If you don’t get your point across the first time, you can say it again, louder. If that doesn’t work, louder still. Then louder, again. Or you can try another approach that might actually work…
Who are you when no one is looking?
Before you blow off a problem, make sure it won’t come ‘round and whack you in the back of the head when you least expect or can afford to deal with it.
You might as well forget the first clause of any sentence the second clause of which begins “, but…”
For the person listening to you, suggesting “it’s just a little ______” doesn’t minimize the attendant issue, it minimizes him. Not good.
You don’t get to decide someone else’s “no big deal.”
Your partner knows that your “I understand” sometimes really means “I’ve had enough.”
Haste may make waste, but beware of lingering too long at the fair…
It doesn’t cost extra to be kind. And patience isn’t a waste of time.
Sometimes the only thing you know is what doesn’t work. It’s a good idea then to try just about anything else…
Anything real and alive is flawed in some way. Perfect is Disneyland: beautiful surface, but there’s no there there.
There’s power that derives from position. There’s the power that derives from influence. There’s power that derives from instilling fear. There’s power that derives from controlling resources. There’s power that derives from force. There’s power that derives from expertise. There’s power that derives from personality. There’s power that derives from coalitions. There’s power that derives from respect. There’s power that derives from moral authority…
When you push down the bad feelings, lots of the good ones get pushed down, too.
If you have to tell someone “it’s obvious,” it isn’t.
Resolve it, don’t dissolve it.
You can be right or you can be a working team…
~ Copyright © 2011 Marlin S. Potash. All rights reserved.